Saturday, May 23, 2009

good friend arr? think again

i have this very good friend. i hope so. that's what people say when they see us.

when she reads this, im sure she knows that im talking about her.

we were not close since last time. only when f5 is about to end, i started to get close to her. We went to camps, "school" and did almost everything together. in many people's eyes, we are supposed to be good friends. at least my own expectations.

but what grieved me.. or rather just mere disappointment, was the fact that we are not good friends. she might have thought that we are but in reality, we are not!

tell you what happened. in class, i tried my best to motivate her to study, because she's like dying practically in every class. i myself was not doing well, but at the same time, i don't want to see her die in the battle with STPM. therefore, sacrificing my own little time of listening to lectures, i motioned her to be alert and study if she "fishing" on the other side of the classroom.

she just likes to share her romance story and interest with me, which were not really related to me. but when i try to share my own stories or views, i doubt that she listens. and she will try to prove to me that she listened to me by repeating what i said. such hypocrite. maybe i shudn't judge. worse still, sometimes when i try to say something impressive, she will pakat with other frens to ignore me, saying that i was about to tell a lame joke. and this became a cool thing among them. so ouch! but when she says something, everyone is willing to listen.

she already had her group of friends. the 'pig and dog' friends, who do nothing but sleep or talk during class. so hard to get her to sit down with me to have a light conversation. often when i finally got her to sit down with me, she will somehow or rather got attracted by other things. worse still, i will be the subject chosen to be ignored. what kind of friend is this? i tried to advise, but being ignored. nonsense. what to do? she's so popular. everyone loves her. when i offered to pray for her, she will prefer not to do it on the spot, as if im gonna laying hands on her head or shoulder. instead, pray for her later at the time when i will pray.

i was just trying to offer what i have to be a good friend to her, yet 99% are in vain.

maybe i shouldn't expect so much from her.

this kind of friend is soooo difficult to love. but yet im supposed to be accountable to her and vice versa. hard la... should i continue to pray for her, encouraged her and give her the best support? I always counsel people with Luke 6:27,28. ....Pray for those who mistreat you. i really don't know what to do. Should i continue to place her in my heart as a burden to pray for her? so much hurt i got from her. which she thought it was ok for me to bear.

after reading this, i can imagine her reply, saying sorry la.. she didn't intend to la... i think too much la... im too sensitive la... whatever. but im not surprised that she will remain the same, cuz i think she never really take me as a good friend, only taking advantage of me when she needs something, thinking that im her locker or safe. nonsense.

heatwave? lol

everyone was complaining that it was very hot this afternoon. heat wave konon... but i didn't feel anything also. i felt alright, just that my face getting more oily. should i bring my cleanser to school?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

bye bye la ~

my mentor Ian sudah cabut back to Auckland. The day he left i was at the airport sending him off. I didn't shed my tears la... but after he entered the gate, i started to feel heavy. His mummy was following all the way on top, trying her best to see her son a few more moments before he enters the plane. Was i not doing the same thing? He's not coming back so soon, and the only means of communication is Facebook email. Yor... so sad la wei... and he didn't look back. just went straight to the check in gate. So man, so yeng... yet so... harsh? dunno la. Wanted to pass him some sweets for countering the pressure while taking off, but forgot...

But i supposed im the fortunate one among all his JS mentees. Daniel and Enoch met with him only once since he came back for about a month, but i met him 3 times!!! hehe... badminton match, biotech career fair and sendng off. Sending off really sucks cuz i just hate the scene of seeing the ones i love leave... and leaving for another long period of time! Emo now...